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Life

“She was farting like a motherfucker!”

I currently live with 3 guys. About a year ago I moved home after college, spent a couple months there. I then fell in love with a dog, adopted said dog, and was promptly kicked out of my parents house. The dog and I moved in with then boyfriend and his 3 male roommates. Living with 4 men and a dog makes for some rough experiences. After a month, I unfortunately had to return the dog to the SPCA but found a new apartment to call my own. It was a long battle, but Craigslist finally came through for me; I moved into an apartment already housing 3 guys. I’ll be nice, they are okay guys. Roughly my age, they can be incredibly caring as well as undeniably vulgar. You never know what you’re going to hear.

Tonight, as I was hanging out with roommate A, we’ll call him Walter, my other roommate, to be referred to as Anti-Fart, came back to the apartment hammered. No surprise there. Well, before Anti-Fart got back, Walter told me a story Anti-Fart had told last night. Anti-Fart and the girl downstairs that he is seeing, and I use the word, “seeing” very loosely, were hanging out together the other night. He was on the computer and she was asleep. Everything was all honky dory, then she started farting. And he counted. She farted 6 times. “She was farting like a motherfucker!”

Some other words of wisdom before he threw up,

  • “Don’t fart.”
  • “If you have to fart, do those silent fart things.”
  • “Fffffrrrrpppp fffffrrrrrppppp fffffrrrrrpppppp”
  • “You know, it was the popcorn. We had popcorn, and I felt it, a rumbling in my stomach, but I held it in. She let it all out!”
  • “Vegans. Those fuckers just fart.”
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